Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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