if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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