Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
