I feel like I'm in dance class right now
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
