Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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