You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
