they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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