I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
