sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just threw up on my dentist
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
