I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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