I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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