if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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