bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
