sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
