And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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