pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.