she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
