my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
