Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
