I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
