I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
