Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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