Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
