He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
