Swine flu. Run for my life!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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