i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
that is very illegal...i love you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
