dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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