After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
