just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
