...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
