I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
