so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
third nipple confirmed
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
