remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
