I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
