You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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