I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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