we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
