You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We're too hungover to prance.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
