I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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