I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
