Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
