You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just had sex on a roof
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
