Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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