the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
