I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What a dumb baby whore.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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