When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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