just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
