Kiss
Puke
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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