My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
