we have officially lost it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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