So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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