my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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