Life is so much better after having sex.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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