Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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