Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
