I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
