Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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