Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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