She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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