careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
