then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
how drunk are you?
Several
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
