If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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