I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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