So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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