If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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