I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
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There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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