you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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