I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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