Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
