Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize