they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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