He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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