Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
