I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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